Archive for the ‘funny’ Category

carols

Wednesday, December 14th, 2005

We’re off to Britain tomorrow for a couple of weeks – really looking forward to it. I’m going to miss a lot of stuff here, at work and at St Mark’s, including all the carolling. However I’ve been somewhat overdosed due to Emma’s Advent habit of listening to a radio station which plays nothing but “festive” songs for all of December. A lot of them are, to be nice, pretty drecky, although it’s always good to hear the Nat King Cole stuff. One of the strangest was last week – an instrumental version of the Twelve Days of Christmas. It’s repetitive enough with words, but pretty nonsensical without.

unlikely minor calamities

Friday, December 9th, 2005

Before you read the rest of this post, read this article from the Onion: “Everything that can go wrong listed“. It includes such scenarios as

“Knocking a cup of coffee off a counter with a light jerk of the wrist; breaking a tooth while comically pretending to bite down on the Great Pyramid of Giza; lowering lifeboats into the water when they are only filled to half capacity; tripping on cable and falling to floor with broken ankle while angrily storming off set of 24; building shanty on hillside instead of floodplain in anticipation of monsoon season, then getting buried in erosion-triggered mudslide anyway.”

Well something like this happened to me not once but twice last night:

1) I got Toby in the bath and sat down next to the bath. I took off my glasses and folded them while they were slightly too near to my chin, resulting in the hinge catching a hair in my beard, which I didn’t initially realize and when I moved my glasses away to put them on the shelf it pulled the hair which was surprisingly painful.
2) I was watching TV when Scout came and sat on me. It was all fine until he clawed my sweater and seemed to get his claw stuck. I got hold of his paw to help him remove himself without snagging the sweater, but he got alarmed and ended up clawing me on the pad of my thumb.

the season

Thursday, November 24th, 2005

Happy Thanksgiving to one and all, unless you live outside these United States, in which case it’s just Thursday and you’re less likely to be gorging yourself on turkey and trimmings, and also less likely to be mown down by mad shopping crowds in the Greatest Capitalist Orgy In The World Ever tomorrow (traditionally known as “black Friday” in the retail world due to the fact that there are so many sales it allows their accounts to go back into the black if they’ve been in the red for a while).

We’re getting into the seasonal spirit and having some friends round for dinner tonight. It’s meant that we’ve also done our Annual Cleaning.

We’re teaching Toby some Christmas carols for the holiday show at his daycare in a couple of weeks – slightly worried because he’s just moved class so not had so much time to learn the new songs. But they gave us a sheet of the three songs to learn, two of which he has mixed up … with hilarious consequences!

One is The Little Drummer Boy – “come, they told me/pa-rum-pa-pum-pum/a newborn king to see/pa-rum-pa-pum-pum” – which was famously and bizarrely sung by Bing Crosby and David Bowie a number of years ago. Another is Deck The Halls. Last night we were getting him to sing Deck The Halls, which in Toby’s world goes “Deck the Halls with sousand harley/fa-la-la-la-la pa-rum-pum-pum/’Tis the season to see Charlie/fa-la-la-la-la pa-rum-pum-pum”

pretty funny

Saturday, November 19th, 2005

This editorial in the Minneapolis Star Tribune made me laugh today – kind of risque for that paper, let alone Minnesota in general. Read it soon; their story links often expire after a few days.

sisters

Thursday, November 10th, 2005

Emma was talking to Toby last night about families and relations. She asked him who her mummy and daddy are, and he correctly said Nana and Grandad. Then she said that she also has sisters, and did he know who they are? “Yes” Who are they? “I don’t know” Well, they’re Auntie Sarah and Auntie Rosey. Do you have any sisters, Toby? “Yes – Lauren and Sam are my sisters”.

home again

Friday, October 28th, 2005

Got back from Atlanta last night. Toby and Emma were at the airport to meet me which was great. Toby gives a good hug. The flight was actually very good – my first time on Delta. When we were getting going the pilot came on the intercom: “Thank you ladies and gentlemen for choosing us as your bankrupt airline today. We know you have a choice of bankrupt airlines, so we’re happy that you think we’re the best of the broke.”

Today it’s dress-up day at Toby’s school. We got him a Buzz Lightyear costume, and the day it arrived he loved it and wore it all evening. However this morning he didn’t want to wear it at all and was very upset. He seemed in an odd mood anyway. So I’m not sure what the deal was but after about 20 minutes at school he appeared to relax and enjoy being a space ranger.

toby talk

Wednesday, October 12th, 2005

Paul posted a nice wee story about Sam and his talking today which prompted me to document some of the things Toby says these days. Before we start though, I should mention that we took Toby to the park a couple of nights ago because it was a beautiful fall evening, and it reminded me of when he was smaller and would do a toddler run down the street, shouting “shallwerun!” as he went.

Anyway, Toby, like Sam, is quite into explaining things. In fact for some weeks now he has started sentences and entire thoughts with “coz”, so if he comes through to our room in the night he’ll wake me up and say “coz I need some water” or “coz I had a funny dream”. Last weekend he and I went to the grocery store and got some flowers for Emma while we were there. When we got home and were in the garage I got him to phone her – he didn’t say hello or anything, just “coz we did get you some flowers”.

The other thing he’s learning about is knowing when he knows something or not. Now he’s learning about letters more we’ll ask him for examples of words that begin with a certain letter. He’s really good with some, like C for cat or cucumber, but sometimes the conversation will go “Toby, do you know a word that begins with G?” “Yes” “What word begins with G?” “I dunno”.

Also he’s a little confused sometimes about explaining things, especially when it’s an uncomfortable situation. The other night he had drawn on something he shouldn’t have and the conversation was “Toby, why did you draw on the door?” “Why.” (not said as a question, just the word) “Yes, why did you do that?” “Why.” “Toby, what’s the story here?” “Coz I did draw on the door”.

crazy, continued

Thursday, October 6th, 2005

In the continuing saga of Tom Cruise and Katy Holmes it seems that they are expecting a baby together. Congratulations to them, although I have previously posted how spooky the whole environment they live in appears to be. Anyway, the reason for the post is the amusingly mixed up grammar in the photo caption on the BBC web page:

Holmes romanticised about marrying Cruise as a young girl

pirate

Thursday, September 15th, 2005

You may know that Monday September 19th is Talk Like A Pirate Day. So get practicin’ me mateys! My friend Robin sent me this great picture:

mandals

Wednesday, June 29th, 2005

Some wise words on summer “fashions” in Slate: When summer fashions go bad